you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize