What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
