i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
