just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
