best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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