How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
