Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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