just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
