I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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