Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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