just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize