I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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