i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
