Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
