She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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