Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize