While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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