It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
