READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
