Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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