Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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