I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
