I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize