Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
