She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I AM VODKA MAN
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
