It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
