i wish peter jackson would direct porn
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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