Quick, to the slutcave!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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