Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
