You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
