I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
