You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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