I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
