Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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