dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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