its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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