So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
