Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize