i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
