What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
