then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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