so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
