I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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