dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
