i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
