Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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