bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
