just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
