i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
