Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My vagina is officially offended.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
