This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
