You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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