you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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