my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize