so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
