pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
