Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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