You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
