Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
