this beer tastes like vomit already
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
