mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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