my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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