Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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