yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
