Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
