i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
