hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
now i know why i became what i already was.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
