i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
