he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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