hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
