they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
