Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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