I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
