it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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