Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
