Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
is it fun? or sober?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
