Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
