so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize