Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
