The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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