we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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