She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
