Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
