Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
