Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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