Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
