if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
