They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
