I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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