may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
