THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
