I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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