1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
