Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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