hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
