We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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