FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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