I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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