I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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