Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
