at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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