I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
