did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
This is not my ceiling
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
