It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i drank out of a bidet.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
