K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
