Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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