Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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