And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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