Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize