1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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